special requests.

there’s so much that living in america does to people—i’ve touched on it briefly here, but it’s so wide and deep a topic that i will never run out of material. the only thing that i can do for you is let you know what is and isn’t cool—with an eye toward getting what you want out of people.

a nice rule of thumb: if you want something from someone and you have no leverage, ask nicely.

myself, the feyrie, and a few other people have taken to playing volleyball on monday nights. our regular spot was closed to us this week, and as such we headed down to a local park with some volleyball courts. we set up (there were six of us) and started playing the half-assed brand of jungle ball we play.

now, about an hour later, a guy comes over from a group standing on the grass over there, and asks if his team can play our team. we said we’d be happy to divide up their folks to keep the teams even. he made a counter-offer.

now understand that i didn’t make an offer subject to negotiation. he left with (apparently) the impression that things went the way he wanted.

we finished our game and started another. he came over, and told us he and his people were going to play now. i said no. he said yes, talked about the rules of the courts, and went on at some length. i told him that he could call someone, or point to a sign with rules, but as long as it was me standing here, he wasn’t going to get to play.

the courts, you see, are first come – first serve. (no pun intended.) as i informed him, we were going to stand here and play as long as we wanted, and that was that.

he said that he was going to play, then he went and hid under a tree.

it was a balls competition, and i won. and that was that. the skinny ass didn’t bother us again.

let’s be clear here—the court was dusty and there wasn’t enough sand. it pretty much sucked. but it’s the principle of the thing.

he came over and asked for something i had. he had nothing to offer in return, but wanted something out of me anyway. since he was an ass about the request, he got jack and shit. had he not been an ass, he would’ve gotten a warmer reception.

it becomes a question of resource management. if i have the resources you want, and you have no leverage and nothing to offer, then you have to take my terms. you have to, because i don’t have to give you anything. i can stand here and keep my resource for no other reason than spite.

how does this translate to life in nerf america? we raise our kids to believe that the world owes them something. that they don’t have to work, or be nice, that everyone wants to get along. which is, for the most part, true. most people want to get along, but not out of a good-hearted nature, but out of fear—fear of repercussions, fear of rocking the boat, fear of being outcast. fear of having to continue to deal with an uncomfortable situation.

we raise our kids this way—we teach them that the whiners win, that standing there and crying, or saying the same thing over and over, or being a little bitch to mom and dad unless you get that toy will by god get you that toy. any kids raised after 1970 or so have this problem.

for the most part, it works. people are so afraid of confrontation that they’ll give you whatever you want, or take whatever token effort or compromise is offered in order to get out of the uncomfortable place. people in this country are sick, weak animals that can’t keep from wetting themselves if they have to stand up to conflict.

why?

because we’re soft. we’re totally soft. we’re cute cuddly de-clawed kittens soft. we’re stuffed animal with a hole for fucking and a hard lump in the middle soft. even after we get bombed by right-wing fanatics (oklahoma city, anyone?) we’re still soft. we still have a very loud contingency who believes that fighting doesn’t solve anything—and they apply this to their politics because they are afraid of conflict.

weak, pathetic people.

conflict always solves problems. it solves every problem, because it forces the situation into a position of resource consideration. it makes you look hard, and evaluate what you see, rather than talk about it, or overlook it, or hide it behind the paper-thin shield of ‘it will get better eventually’. conflict takes responsibility for the situation.

americans hate taking responsibility.

i don’t hate conflict. i like it. i like it a lot. i grew up in it—i had fight with my fanatical christian parents on everything. this, along with the everyday difficulty of small-town farm life made me a little bit hard.

if i think you’re weak and i want something, i’ll ask nicely. then i’ll take it—i’ll bring down the conflict. i’ll make you uncomfortable. i’ll aggravate you. i’ll activate your fear until you give me what i want.

i will prey on your weakness, and i won’t think twice about it at the time, or feel guilty about it later. why? because weakness is a choice.

no one has to stay weak. toughening the skin takes effort, as does anything worthwhile, and the reason people stay weak is laziness. laziness is also a choice. laziness leads to weakness, which leans to a complete inability to stand up for anything.

now, if you’re weak and you want something from me, you’d better be prepared to take it on my terms, if i grace you with any concession at all. your best bet is to trade—to offer me something i want in exchange, to make some concession, to make it worth my while and make it easy. i’m more likely to help you out if it’s easy, or if you ask nicely. make me like you, and i’m more likely to help you. be an ass, and fuck off.

it’s not just me. it’s everyone who understands strength and has a persistent disdain for humanity. the same rules apply to them—they’re just not going to tell you that. information is power, and most of us don’t like to give that up. but this site is about truth, being strong, and dealing with the real world, not the clean, germ-free child-safe representation of it we all pretend exists.

there are also grades of hard—it’s not a switch. there are people who think they’re hard; they’re harder and stronger than most people. so most people cave—but not everyone. it’s important to know who you’re talking to. when in doubt, assume they’re harder than you. there is always someone harder than you.

the point of all this? be hard. be strong. don’t eschew conflict and confrontation. and if you can’t? ask nicely, and take what’s offerred, or prepare to get the shaft.